By no means!
But on their hearts
Is the stain of the (ill)
Which they do!
S.83 A.14
These last suras are shorter, but as in the case of this verse, full of insight and revelation for me. This reference made me think of my heart in a completely new context - not just the place where I feel love and register pain, but the place I originate sin, the place where my malice for others is generated. I always imagined my heart to be a tattered canvass where the joys and sorrows of my life and loves are splattered recklessly in a cacophony of color and jagged juxtaposition. It is a piece of modern art, having no discernible form, and one that looks better from a distance. I thought the chaos that masochistically mingled the beauty and brutality reflected the good intentions of my love and the painful returns I suffered. Now I see that painting differently, and instead of vivid brushstrokes I see stains, and the pattern of those stains rising up off the canvass.
I have hurt more than I have been hurt; I have betrayed more than I have been betrayed; and I have let others down far more often than they I. The pain I feel in my heart is the pain I have inflicted on others. I don't know how to remove these stains, or if I am meant to paint over them - if I deserve to. I do know that I don't want to add to this ugly, tangled mess, and that my heart is capable of producing something closer to art, something that reflects a better man.
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