Ramadan Night 22 - The Sixth Entry

So leave them
To plunge in vain talk
And play about,
Until they encounter
That day of theirs which
They have been promised!
S.70 A.42

This verse has special significance for me, as it concerns a particular weakness of mine - vain talk. I used to think it was intellectual banter, but I know better now.  I am bright, and God has blessed me with good communication skills.  I have squandered those skills on endless hours of frivolus debates, playing irreverantly with sacred concepts, trying to one-up another superfical intellectual.  Beauty, truth, faith were all just props in a conceited juggling act.  I was always the center of attention, never the good and decent concepts I manipulated. I can honestly say I never sought the truth, I was more interested in my verbal dexterity, my quickness and my wit.  This verse was written for people who should have avoided me then.

I have changed now, and I have worked very hard to diminish my tendancy for prattle, and certainly to make sure my playfullness never engages issues of faith and principle.  I have to avoid those others too, who would lure me in, appealing to my ego and vanity.  The urge is still there, but it is mediated by my concern to respect the truth and other decent concepts, and to not use them to impress someone who has no real concern for me or my faith.  This is indeed my weakness, and I pray the need to indulge it decreases.