Friday, June 29, 2012


There are things so beautiful inside us, that I understand why God loves us. There is the love and joy pouring out of these girls' hearts over something simple and silly, and there is the heart-tugging empathy we may feel knowing what the world might do to their innocence when it forgets to look past the outside of their smiles into their souls. We will fix their external smiles, not for them, but for us. We are a carnival mirror, slowly distorting their sweetness as we shrivel and twist, not knowing how to suffer the weakness in our own hearts as we grow more and more uncomfortable with the bargains that gradually invert our own smiles, swapping goodness and virtue for caution and measured, mediated wonder.
I wish I could smile like these young ladies! Wish I had what they have inside, and the courage to share it. They smile and touch and soothe the neglected regions of my heart. Smiling should be like that.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


After a few weeks on the job here, I offered the faculty to send the following note to any students who worked very hard and succeeded in their courses this past spring. I was very touched when more than fifteen of these teachers put forth names (none of the faculty at my last stop cared to do so). What a wonderful indication that I have landed in the right spot!

May 30, 2012

Dear Andrea,

I am writing to congratulate you on your achievement in Professor Hill’s class this past Spring term. She has identified you as an exceptional student who has worked very hard and diligently and has made the most of your learning experience. You should be very proud that you distinguished yourself in this manner – students who take these courses and succeed do very well in the rest of their academic careers!
I wish you well as you continue your education, and if I can ever help, I would be more than happy to do so. You can always stop by and visit with me. Good luck and keep up the fine work.

Michael Morsches

Equally impressive, Andrea's response was only one of a few dozen. And yes, Andrea stopped by one evening and we chatted for half an hour or so, a single mom returning to school to change her life - I have a very, very cool job!

Dear Mr. Morsches,

I'm just in awe right now!! I thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I really needed to hear that from you and Professor Hill. I feel so blessed to have met her spring semester. I don't know what I would have did without her. It's been so long since I've been in school and things were kind of confusing and sometimes no offense but some teachers, and counselor's are not like you and Professor Hill lol. I'm sorry but I'm just keeping it real. God does all things for a reason and somehow Professor Hill and I just connected. Times have really changed from when I was in school. Now Mr. Morsches be careful of what you say lol because I will be contacting you if I have any problems lol. Professor Hill also told me to keep in touch with her even though I'm not in her class which I thought was really nice of her. It takes a good teacher to bring out the best in a student she had so much faith in me, more than I did in myself. I will definitely come by to meet you Mr. Morsches. I'm in summer school are you on campus this summer? Let me know and I will stop by and introduce myself. Thanks once again sorry if I have any fragments Professor Hill is teaching me in that area lol. God bless you Mr. Morsches. Looking forward to meeting you.


Friday, June 8, 2012

Acid Reign IV

There are certain advantages to waking up without a face. With no face, there is no foolishness, no squandered hopes or wasted dreams. No one pretends when half the side of their head has dissolved and fused in a slowly tightening tangle of scar tissue and creviced sinew. No one comes to you with pretty promises bargained against marginal self-deceptions when there are no more margins to your face. In sharp contrast, the hole in her head was a mirror now, reflecting the ugliness of those who beheld her now, past the initial moments when coy courtesy and embarrassed shock gave way to an honest and blunt dismissal. She had often fantasized about being invisible as a younger woman, unseen to leering eyes, to disgusted glares and diminishing sneers. Unavailable to an abusive husband, beating her senseless when she didn't have any more money for his alcohol or drugs. The bruises and defeated despair hidden from view in the morning as she raised her children from their beds. She had what she wanted after so long, she just never dreamt how she would have to earn this anonymity.
She knew her future long before she woke from the pain and medication. Somewhere amidst the fourth day she sat up ready to leave, ready to take what was left of her body and soul home to face a life in more forthright frames, more virtuous shadows. She would have no other man, but she would not have him, maybe worth the loss, preferring he take what he would finally and go. There are certain advantages to the death of your closest kept desires. No more negative pain filling unfulfilled spaces, no angst over frustrated ambition or quietly clutched fantasy of eventual karma or redemption. Nothing but God's grace inscrutable and finally, mercifully unavailable to her mortal schemes and dismantled dreams. Dismantled like her face, no longer capable of holding a smile or a sigh, no pathway for tears, no public portent for fears.
She went home bandaged and ignorant of her prognosis, thankful for her children, and in a way, for her new found freedom from a long endured ardor for her own self-destruction - suicide would be a vapid and redundant exercise now. A search for purpose or peace had been replaced by a salient acquiescence to quiet survival. Her pained past had bled directly into an aimless future, and the flesh that had slid off of her face revealed the stark and stoic reality that lay beneath tissue and blood, beneath vainly draped exercises in modesty and deprecation.  Oddly, she would live finally.

Monday, June 4, 2012


Lots of transitions happening these days, new job, new location, old friends moving on, and Sindi graduating tonight from high school.  Things haven't always gone as I have planned, but I am very proud tonight, and look forward to watching my daughters both in college transitioning to their own lives.  A bid sad but proud.