No favour from anyone
For which a reward
Is expected in return,
But only the desire
To seek for the countenance
Of their Lord Most High,
And soon will they
Attain (complete) satisfaction.
S.92 A.19-21
I have discussed in previous posts, that I have been blessed with the will/need to help others without reward or recognition - to a large extent this is true, but when I search my heart (as Allah will), I find I fall a bit short in this, one of my strengths. I do like to be acknowledged for my good deeds, and the recognition feels really good. I don't decorate my office with certificates, plaques, and student gifts, but I do pull them out once in awhile for inspiration. I have noticed that I do want the extent of my sacrifices known however, as I hope for some sort of karmic recompense or bartered balance as my sins seem directly proportionate to my better actions. I once heard that a woman will never forgive you the sacrifices you made for her, and that no man relishes a debt he owes another. This makes better sense to me now, as I realize that sacrifices are like good deeds, they must be offered without credit or expected gratitude - they are not to be cashed in or leveraged.
I also realized I had known this lesson before, as a boy watching a WWII movie. A man redeems his many sins and weaknesses with a brave and heroic act - the one person who has knowledge of his secret deed comforts him at the end of the movie with "Heaven knows Mister Allison", the name of the movie.
I want to be this humble and this trusting in my God, my satisfaction delayed until I am brought forward.
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