They turn away therefrom
And say: "To us our deed,
And to you yours;
Peace be to you: we
Seek not the ignorant."S.28 A.55
This is a great example where one verse gives me two perspectives to work on: Not listening to negative talk at all, whether or not I like the source, and to be more tactful when I disengage from someone I am not fond of. I am working on not producing negative comments, or joining in on a bad conversation. This is the next level - avoiding such talk and doing so with grace. This will not be easy for me, for I have learned a terrible truth: Many people will gravitate to you if you share gossip and slander, they may even appear to love you for it.
I have also found that such talk opens communication, good and bad, but that a virtuous stance shuts a lot of doors. Not having information is difficult, and closing conduits, no matter how detrimental, can isolate one. Being out of the loop is lonely, but far out shadowed by the damage aversive affiliation brings. This will be a big change for me, learning how to operate without ill gotten information, but I am determined to continue to regain my integrity whether or not it hampers me. And I don't think it will deter me for long, for as hard as integrity is to purchase and maintain, it makes a wonderful pillow to lay my head upon each night.
Something which often confuses me is the definition of 'gossip' and 'vain talk'. If one shares 'experiences' with friends, e.g. if you want to share 'what happened at work today' with somebody, is that gossip? It will most likely involve information about others. But your intentions may not be to slander or cause mischief, simply to share what has been happening with you. Where does 'sharing' end and 'gossip' begin?
ReplyDeleteThat is such a great question! Sometimes we share negative information to help people, ie,letting others know that someone is dealing with something difficult in order to help them be more empathetic and patient. I think the guide is when we feel that "inner delight" to hear something bad or negative, that is when we are crossing the line. We want to talk to each other, we want to care about each other, it is very difficult as you said. I think if we look in our hearts, we will know when we are gathering information to help, versus hurting. Thank you very much!
ReplyDeleteHow often do we really feel inner delight upon hearing something bad or negative? Truly? Not often. So does that mean we don't gossip?
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes it is just a perverse twinge, maybe its not because it is bad, but we enjoy being privy to secret knowledge. I have heard gossip defended before, but I think it is usually negative, as it is done at someone's expense, or traded without their permission.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good reminder. I will be scrutinizing my talk over the next few days. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMe as well :) You are welcome.
ReplyDelete