Ramadan Night 11

Those who believe, and whose hearts
Find satisfaction in the remembrance
Of Allah: for without doubt
In the remembrance of Allah
Do hearts find satisfaction.

For those who believe

And work righteousness,
Is (every) blessedness,
And a beautiful place

Of (final) return.

S.13 A.28-29

This verse reminds me that I think I am backwards on many things. I don't fret about an afterlife, as a matter of fact, I rarely think about it.  It is not the motivating factor in my faith - living a good and honest life is.  This is enough for me to focus on, and it takes up a good part of my time.  Evaluating my thoughts in order to change them is my current vocation, and I have much left to do yet.  "Do hearts find satisfaction" concerns me now, knowing that which will make my heart satisfied is what will make me a better man, a better Muslim.  I have reached an important milestone - knowing what will truly make my heart satisfied - I am on my way.

And I do want a beautiful place of return at the end of my life.  I have just been careful to make sure the improvements I am making are for the right reasons, not simply a free pass to heaven (knowing full well that doesn't work anyway).  It takes quite a bit of thinking to stay ahead of myself, to make sure I am not rationalizing or intellectualizing the wrong things.  Perhaps that is why I keep coming back to many of the same themes in these posts, as they reflect the constant struggle I am waging.  I don't think the struggle will end either, for every little bit of progress reminds me of how much further I can go, how much better I can be.  So no, I am not worried about heaven right now, I am concentrating on my next few steps.