Ramadan Night 24 - The Ninth Entry

Nay, but man doth
Transgress all bounds,
In that he looketh
Upon himself as self-sufficient.
Verily, to thy Lord
Is the return (of all).
Seest thou one
Who forbids
A votary when he
(Turns) to pray?
Seest thou if
He is on (the road
Of) Guidance?
Or enjoins righteousness?
S.96 A.6-12

I think this is describing the type of non-believer I was becoming.  I had cast off God, thinking myself self-sufficient in my arrogance.  I am not sure why I ended up in that place, perhaps I was only interested in a relationship with God on my own terms, and when that did not materialize, I turned away like a spoiled child, pretending myself injured.  I stayed quietly in that place for a long time, but then I began to enjoin people of faith in debate, but not with good faith myself.  I have talked before about the relative ease with which you can criticize and attack a specific doctrine or faith.  I think I did so gleefully, with no intent of coming to a truth, just something to play with in my misery.  I am deeply ashamed of this.

I am more ashamed as I read this verse, and I pray my irreverence never lead to the inhibition or prohibition of a votary and his/her faith.  I would like to believe that I was too superficial and they too deep for that to have happened.  But if I did lead someone to doubt their faith, I could ask no forgiveness for that sin.

I am careful now, how I speak to people about faith, especially as I have found mine.  I am respectful, and I only join discussions that are free and designed to share not divide.  I love talking to people of faith, any faith as it bolsters mine.  If I met my old self today, I would smile sadly, and walk away as he jabbered nonsense in the wind.
*To my friends - I pray you see the beauty in your hearts, and you know that any pain there is fleeting, as it cannot stand the goodness it tries to infect.