Ramadan Night 13 - A Second Entry

And do thou be patient
For thy patience is but with the help
From Allah; nor grieve over them:
And distress not thyself
Because of their plots.
For Allah is with those
Who restrain themselves,
And those who do good.
S.16 A. 127-128

It is Ramadan, and I did not want to leave things as I did in my last post.  My issues are still here, and I want to deal with them directly, as God would allow.  If you are reading this, please remember that some of these posts are what I am feeling at a moment, or have felt before.  I am trying to lay myself completely open for the first time in my life. It is not very attractive, but it is a picture of a man trying to redeem himself, trying to live his faith, and to serve others.  There will be ups and downs :)

This passage gave me some comfort.   

I know this is a time for patience for me, and that usually occurs precisely when I don't want to be.  I am facing some challenges I have no control over, challenges being driven and directed by others - "And distress not thyself because of their plots."  It is hard not to worry about the plots of others, knowing the damage they can do.  I am sure this verse counsels me to be strong as Allah is with me if I am patient and I am good.  I am also sure this means that no matter what follows, Allah will help me cope, help me to deal with the issue with integrity, but He will not steer the storm away from me.  This is a challenge to my faith - mentally, I am attracted to a God that would under gird my strength, not keep me from my trials; emotionally, I would like to be spared the experience. So I will get what I need, and I must have faith that God will be with me. Being willing to be patient through the process is the matter that tests me, having doubts about my strength is the matter that shames me.

I do feel better tonight as I read this, better while knowing there is more to come, more to cope with. I am ready to do something I have never done before, give my fate and the struggles that follow to my patient God, and to trust that He will guide me through.  I am ready.