A Prayer for Forgiveness

If an one does evil
Or wrongs his own soul
But afterwards seeks
Allah's forgiveness, he will find
Allah Oft-forgiving,
Most Merciful
S.4 A110

This is a selfish prayer, a prayer for myself.  If you have read my posts, I know it sounds like I lament far too many of my sins and actions, and I am sure that appears I haven't learned anything.  That is not my intent, actually far from it.  I believe I have been blessed with an extraordinary life, a life filled with service to others.  I have given so much to others, in so many ways, in so many places.  Unfortunately, the magnitude of my philanthropy is in direct proportion to my weaknesses. I have posited in the past that I work so hard to improve the lives of others to combat my selfish behaviors, my selfish needs.  Now I view that formula a bit differently.

I will continue to ponder on and write about my weaknesses, as I want to spend the next twenty-five years making a bigger difference, not one mediated by the backwards steps of my sins.  In less than a month, I will return to my high school to be inducted into their Alumni Hall of Fame for humanitarian service.  I want to feel good when I talk to the students in that school, I want to be honest, I want to feel clean.  When I share my story, and try to motivate them in a modest way, I want no lingering shards of a lifetime of hypocrisy to penetrate the authenticity of my remarks.

So this prayer is for me - Allah forgive me, let me forgive myself.