Saturday, June 25, 2016

Fun With The Bounty Hunter

It is summer here and that means half-day Fridays at work. It is a nice perk, and today, for maybe the first time in my adulthood, I indulged in a Friday afternoon nap. It felt luxurious and a bit guilty, but I was dozing away when I heard someone knocking on the doors outside my apartment. As I was stirring, the knock came to my door, a bit louder than I deemed appropriate. So I got up from the couch in my skivvies and t-shirt and answered the door. I was still formulating a plan for the intruder while I was opening the door, but at the last half second I decided to go "over-under" on the unfortunate soul on the other side. I would be pleasant and affable before addressing my irritation over having my first real Friday afternoon nap ruined. When I did open the door, I was faced with an older guy with an ID hanging around his neck and what looked like a cute little holster on his belt for his pepper spray. Once again, his demeanor was a bit too cheeky for me, so I decided to have some fun.
He started off by brusquely informing me that he was something or the other cooperating with some sort of federal agency, all designed to confuse and/or impress me. He told me he was looking for someone and rattled off a name I suspected was African-American. He then asked me if I knew him. I looked at him as sheepishly as I could and told him no. I then asked if the man was African-American and he replied yes. He then asked if any of the other tenants around my apartment were Black and I responded "no, but I think there is a Black family on the other side of the unit." This irritated him and he told me that this person had to be on my side of the building. I then asked him why. He stumbled on a bit about a partial address. He was getting impatient and I was warming up. I asked if he had a photo of the guy and he replied that he did not. I then asked him how he was gonna recognize him if he came upon him. He mumbled something. Not easing up, I then asked for a description and he mumbled more. I pressed harder saying "do people normally come up to you and surrender and provide ID in your line of work?" This really irritated him. He looked at me harshly and said "look, are you sure there aren't any African-American families on this side of the building. Just as I was replying with an emphatic "no", the door next to mine (literally two feet away) opened up and a young Black woman said "can I help you." He turned towards her, then spun back around on me. I smiled and asked him if a camera crew was coming up. He looked at me quizzically and hatefully and I continued, "you know, is Dog out there somewhere? Are we gonna be on TV?" For as second I thought he was going to lunge at me, but he said something under his breath and turned to the woman. I turned back into my apartment laughing, having exacted a bit of revenge for my interrupted nap.

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