No, I don't have a pink backpack, but it has been brought to my attention that I now own a hot pink vacuum cleaner (long story, another day). Yesterday, I was tested by an ancient promise and a simple gesture made several years ago. The challenge came in the form of a small child's bag purchased a lifetime ago for a little girl who liked the color pink. Another little girl has it now, a girl I could have never imagined or even accepted the day I picked the backpack off the rack at a college bookstore. Funny, how the word unconditionally brings conditions. That promise was made unconditionally, and the conditions came calling in the middle of the night.
I am smiling now though, not at the purposeful ambiguity of this post, but at the realization that I have made good on that promise of love and support made so long ago. I became aware of a new reality last night that neither saddened nor hurt me - a reality I have no place in yet offers me an inside glimpse that makes me smile. Maybe I am a better man now, maybe I have lost some of my selfishness and ego. What once would have been painful, even unbearable is now warm and comforting.
Some journeys lead you to places with no gratitude or growth. You focus only on the pain of the process which diminishes the destination. Transformations, I think, are different. You fight, suffer, struggle then arrive at a beautiful place that makes the past a slight shadow of irrelevance, a fading facade. There is no way I could have contemplated this feeling I have now when I first offered the promise. It didn't lead to the place I hoped and prayed for. It lead me to a different place, one of a solid sense of happiness and positive regard. Two simple concepts for most I suppose; but things that had always been transient in my life.
A small, little backpack has shown me I have grown as a man and a caring person. Funny thing :)
I am smiling now though, not at the purposeful ambiguity of this post, but at the realization that I have made good on that promise of love and support made so long ago. I became aware of a new reality last night that neither saddened nor hurt me - a reality I have no place in yet offers me an inside glimpse that makes me smile. Maybe I am a better man now, maybe I have lost some of my selfishness and ego. What once would have been painful, even unbearable is now warm and comforting.
Some journeys lead you to places with no gratitude or growth. You focus only on the pain of the process which diminishes the destination. Transformations, I think, are different. You fight, suffer, struggle then arrive at a beautiful place that makes the past a slight shadow of irrelevance, a fading facade. There is no way I could have contemplated this feeling I have now when I first offered the promise. It didn't lead to the place I hoped and prayed for. It lead me to a different place, one of a solid sense of happiness and positive regard. Two simple concepts for most I suppose; but things that had always been transient in my life.
A small, little backpack has shown me I have grown as a man and a caring person. Funny thing :)
You are still the best man I have ever known.
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Thank you :)
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