An Apology to My Brother and Sister

I have waited a long time to bring metaphoric pen to paper here, partly because I waited until several people had passed away, not wishing to hurt them, although I guess I am harming their memory. I try not to draw in too many living folks, having not yet secured their permission to publicly discuss my issues. I have detailed my life, particularly the earlier stages of it, and I have made mention of my brother and my sister. And even though I haven't gone into their personal detail, when I explain my childhood, I am violating their privacy. I would like to apologize for that. I would also like to apologize for the fact that what I write here is my perception, and may not represent their realities. It is like we all three went through a wash cycle together and came out in very different states. I will try to be more mindful of these things as I write, and finally, I would like to apologize for any future transgressions. I love you both and I truly do not want to hurt either of you.
Michael

Apology to my Daughters

I don't know why I don't show you how much I love you. I don't know why I didn't hug you more when you were younger, why I don't hug you more now. I am very proud of you both, and I love you very much. I don't know why I haven't done everything I could to make you feel loved. I am sorry.
I quit drinking before you were old enough to see and understand the ugliness that follows. I did that for you. I worked hard to provide for you, and to make a stable household for you. I have been very proud of everything you have accomplished and the young women you have become. I have never been ashamed of either of you, and I love you both equally.
Honestly, I am still amazed that you love me, for it hasn't been easily. I am sure that it appears to you that I am often friendlier to others than to you. I left you here with your mother to work in other places, and I regret that now. It wasn't my intention the first time I left, but things didn't work out, and you couldn't follow me. I am sorry for the time I missed in your life.
I don't know how long I will be here before I will have to take another job, but I want you to know that I am working on things, that I love you, and that I want to work on our relationship. I really do. I need to ask you to forgive me, and to help me. It will not be easy, but I think I am ready to make the changes I need to make. Your love is the most precious thing I have. I don't want to lose it. I would love more than anything to make you feel the love that you show me. I will try.