"Never will you attain the good [reward] until you spend [in the way of Allah ] from that which you love. And whatever you spend - indeed, Allah is Knowing of it."
I love these two statements, as they sum up perfectly what I have so awkwardly been trying to articulate for sometime. In the past, I have selfishly tried to love and thought I was doing something good. When I have failed, I have been stunned by the fact that the good I put forth did not ultimately return to me as reward or benefit. But what I put forth was self-serving, it wasn't like the good I did in other aspects of my life. I gave with heavy and sometimes unspoken expectations of return. When those rewards did not come, I felt betrayed, and threw away some of my dignity as only a self[-pitying man can do. In the process, I hurt those whose love I wanted at all costs. I see it very clearly now.
I am focusing on redirecting that area of my heart that I reserved for affection and commitment from others to the ever-increasing swell of altruism I am feeling now. Every hour of each day, I can see or imagine something good I can accomplish for others, something that I expect no return for. In turn, the pettiness in my heart is decreasing, and all those lessons I have focused on from Ramadan to now are returning, fortifying my ability to be better. The silent, gentler rewards resonate more vividly now, and I can imagine the wonderful things I will do with the rest of my life. I feel so blessed.
I have always admired Albert Schweitzer, and I reread The Decay and Restoration of Civilization every year. Now, I read it with my Koran, a human example of God's grace and patience. I am reaching out to more people, smiling more, and rethinking what I used to consider necessary yet cruel remarks. I will think of this Sura often, as well as a small but wonderful quote from Dr. Schweitzer, "A man does not have to be an angel to be a saint." I am blessed.
I love these two statements, as they sum up perfectly what I have so awkwardly been trying to articulate for sometime. In the past, I have selfishly tried to love and thought I was doing something good. When I have failed, I have been stunned by the fact that the good I put forth did not ultimately return to me as reward or benefit. But what I put forth was self-serving, it wasn't like the good I did in other aspects of my life. I gave with heavy and sometimes unspoken expectations of return. When those rewards did not come, I felt betrayed, and threw away some of my dignity as only a self[-pitying man can do. In the process, I hurt those whose love I wanted at all costs. I see it very clearly now.
I am focusing on redirecting that area of my heart that I reserved for affection and commitment from others to the ever-increasing swell of altruism I am feeling now. Every hour of each day, I can see or imagine something good I can accomplish for others, something that I expect no return for. In turn, the pettiness in my heart is decreasing, and all those lessons I have focused on from Ramadan to now are returning, fortifying my ability to be better. The silent, gentler rewards resonate more vividly now, and I can imagine the wonderful things I will do with the rest of my life. I feel so blessed.
I have always admired Albert Schweitzer, and I reread The Decay and Restoration of Civilization every year. Now, I read it with my Koran, a human example of God's grace and patience. I am reaching out to more people, smiling more, and rethinking what I used to consider necessary yet cruel remarks. I will think of this Sura often, as well as a small but wonderful quote from Dr. Schweitzer, "A man does not have to be an angel to be a saint." I am blessed.
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