Sura 30:60

"So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true: nor let those shake thy firmness, who have (themselves) no certainty of faith."

I read this admonition before I began my month long introspection in Ramadan, focusing on "patiently persevere" particularly. I keep revisiting those posts, not wishing to lose the lessons, the inspiration, the vows and goals - and even though I have taken a few steps back, I am still progressing.  Lately, my attention has been shifted to "the promise of Allah" as I contemplate my future.  I don't interpret this as the promise of heaven, rather the promise to fulfill the potential he has put in my heart. This is a constant theme for me now, putting things together, leveraging everything I have to go out and change some small corners of the world.  When I do figure this out, when my heart is pure in this regard to service, I will be ready for heaven for it will be an extension of this spirituality.  In the meantime, I have a lot to do.
As for the second piece of this passage, I really don't have people in my environment who "shake" my firmness; on the contrary, most are very supportive.  I do live in a wonderful country -most of the people I meet accept my right to practice my faith, and are often very sensitive to it.  This always warms my heart. My risk comes from another kind of uncertainty, that of being around people that don't understand my drive, my need to create and uphold a higher standard for myself. I want to be a good Muslim, a good man, someone who can make a difference for others.  I am not sure that the others around me know how important this is to me, and therefore may be tolerant if I let up, if I don't reach my goals.  To complicate this, I don't really broadcast my goals, their intensity, my urgency.  I have expressed it ad naseum here though to a few folks.  I also don't want to become or appear as a self-righteous Muslim either.  The world becomes much more interesting but complicated when you realize you have no interest in balance!
Finally, related to a few previous posts, I have to be honest with myself about this promise I am trying to fulfill. I think some people recognize this energy and desire inside of me and are drawn to it. The problem is that it will never be truly theirs - this is the realization that I think I have been dreading, but that may be inevitable.  I sometimes share some of this passion, not intending to lead anyone on, honestly thinking I would be able to redirect it in a relationship (of any kind), then finding that it does not work. I have the competing desire for companionship and the solitude that my career path seems to be taking me down. I do know that I am not upholding any covenant with God when I hurt people or are not honest with them.  This will be an intriguing walk for me I think, but being aware of my weaknesses is the first step to solving or avoiding them.
For now, I really do feel God's power and grace in my goals and needs, and it is such a special feeling I don't want to jeopardize my potential to realize His promise.  Things are complicated, but I feel blessed.