The Prophet said, "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Haya (This term "Haya" covers a large number of concepts which are to be taken together; amongst them are self respect, modesty, bashfulness, and scruple, etc.) is a part of faith."
This particular hadith is very important to me, as "haya" is something I don't think I have ever understood, before or after my conversion to Islam. Of the four terms listed above (self respect, modesty, bashfulness, scruples), I probably only feel partially comfortable with my scruples, though they can be bent fairly easily when convenience beckons. Perhaps this is why I admire so many Muslim men I have known (Dr. K., many of the men in the Academy, men in the refugee camp I lived in, the Pakistani doctor and legislators who are bravely battling the horrors of acid attacks, etc.) over the years, I see this concept in their behaviors, in the way they treat people, in the way they carry themselves. I have so much to learn, so much to repair I fear.
My strength, or what I confuse for it, has been an opposite reaction to the insecurities I was raised with. I am quite sure I have never really respected myself, and I have learned later in life this is not an uncommon malady. I was shocked when I heard a favorite author tell his audience that we all know deep down we are just impostors. Although I feel confident in my work, I know there is so much more to learn, so much more to improve. But I have also learned that in order to lead people, you need to project confidence - that is my issue, keeping things confident and not letting them slide to the arrogant.
I do like the occasional bouts of modesty that overtake me from time to time. It feels good and natural. Perhaps one day I will wear that mantle more comfortably, without losing my passion. I have a lot to do.
This particular hadith is very important to me, as "haya" is something I don't think I have ever understood, before or after my conversion to Islam. Of the four terms listed above (self respect, modesty, bashfulness, scruples), I probably only feel partially comfortable with my scruples, though they can be bent fairly easily when convenience beckons. Perhaps this is why I admire so many Muslim men I have known (Dr. K., many of the men in the Academy, men in the refugee camp I lived in, the Pakistani doctor and legislators who are bravely battling the horrors of acid attacks, etc.) over the years, I see this concept in their behaviors, in the way they treat people, in the way they carry themselves. I have so much to learn, so much to repair I fear.
My strength, or what I confuse for it, has been an opposite reaction to the insecurities I was raised with. I am quite sure I have never really respected myself, and I have learned later in life this is not an uncommon malady. I was shocked when I heard a favorite author tell his audience that we all know deep down we are just impostors. Although I feel confident in my work, I know there is so much more to learn, so much more to improve. But I have also learned that in order to lead people, you need to project confidence - that is my issue, keeping things confident and not letting them slide to the arrogant.
I do like the occasional bouts of modesty that overtake me from time to time. It feels good and natural. Perhaps one day I will wear that mantle more comfortably, without losing my passion. I have a lot to do.
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