The Weakness In Me

"If you are going somewhere where you know you will be alone, in a strange place, take along a lot of Joan Armatrading." German Sage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VDlt4QSDRY

Ever stop and think how your favorite artist became your favorite artist? I ask this question in depth to my Philosophy of Human Nature students, and I get some interesting reactions. It seems for most of us, it is simply good enough to know it is our favorite without really analyzing it. Joan Armatrading has been my favorite artist for twenty three years now. I know it's odd that I know exactly, and no, I didn't decide one day to have a favorite artist. It is just that I can retrace my steps to the moment I knew I would love her music forever.
I first remember hearing her name from a friend, Leanne, in Jamaica in 1986. My friend had been a Peace Corps volunteer in Kenya, and was living with her husband in Montego Bay. They were the first Bahai I had ever met, and I really admired their faith. They weren't hippies or nuts, just two people living a pretty decent and simple life. They were fun (my accomplices on the Johnny Cash stunt, "Pranks") and we spent a lot of time together. I was fascinated by their religion, primarily as I saw it reflected in their behaviors. Leanne was very tall and thin with a great sense of humor - a sensible earth child I guess. Nahmi was a local doctor, originally from Iran. He was very intelligent and very playful. I spent many evenings with them, and they taught me about their faith.
When I left Jamaica, I missed my friends. I kept moving from there to new places and new experiences, and I found myself alone quite often. One day while reminiscing about my Jamaican days, I remembered Leanne's favorite artist Joan Armatrading. I stopped by the mall and bought one of her CDs (was very lucky, as many American outlets didn't sell her music at that time). I took the CD home and listened to it. It had a curious effect on me: there were no songs that "hooked" me immediately, but the music comforted me in a strange way. She projected a strong inner self, but also expressed pain in an unfamiliar way. Strong and vulnerable. I have felt that way often, strong and vulnerable. Strong in that I know I will keep moving on, vulnerable in that there will often be a high price to pay. I have felt that way often.
I discovered another joy that day - the joy of finding a new favorite artist who already has 20 albums! No waiting for a year to hear something new. And if you ever listen to Joan Armatrading through the years, her "genre" changes often. No wonder record stores have no clear idea what bin to put her in. I do know that countless younger female artists cite her as a major influence: The Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge, Tracy Chapman, etc. And of course, since no one hardly knows of her here in the US, I get that rare opportunity to feel erudite and snobbish - "What, you have never heard of Joan Armatrading, where have you been?"
Seriously though, I have spent a great deal of time alone, and some time hurting and depressed. Her music has helped, I am not sure how, but it has. To this day, when I hear one of her songs (usually in the soundtrack of a European or Independent film), I smile. Joan has filled some empty places of my heart from time to time, and for that, I will always be grateful.