Violence is at least as old as any of my memories. I can attest to this. Maybe my step-father invented it? I don't know of anything in his background or environment that would have produced the fury and anger I saw so often. And I don't think it was the alcohol - I have known plenty of people who don't go nuts when they drink, no matter how much they drink. No, it was something inside that the booze helped free. Not that he needed to drink to get ugly, but that ugliness always came out when he was drunk. Even if he was in a good mood, or temporarily charming, even then it was always just around the corner.
For awhile, when I was in the sixth grade, we attempted to play family games on Sundays. This lasted for about a month. We would begin the game (Careers, Monopoly, Almanac Trivia, etc.) and it would go well for a short time. Inevitably, my father would lose, someone would laugh at his error or bad dice roll, or one of us did just a little too well. At that point the game board would get tossed, someone would get smacked, or he would just storm off. It was years before we all gave up trying, learning that any state of decency or fun was transient - better just to avoid interaction completely, not to get sucked in.
I was told that my step-father had to leave the state while still in High School. My mother said he has slapped a nun, and his parents sent him to a boy's school in Kentucky. Shortly thereafter, he wrecked his car while drinking, killing one of his friends. Once, when I was very young, a truck driver pulled out in front of us. My step-father chased him down (risking our lives), pulled him down out of the truck, and beat him senseless in the middle of the road. When I was in high school, he worked as a lineman for the city. One afternoon it was raining and he and his crew were in the barn playing cards and drinking. At some point he got mad at a co-worker (his best drinking friend at the time) and beat him unconscious with an electric meter. That man died a few years later of brain cancer, and I don't know if it was related to the incident in the barn. I do know he thought so....
I was up in my bedroom one night listening to the radio. I noticed a car pull up outside our house and a man got out and walked up to the door. I recognized him as the man my step-father had beaten a year or so earlier. There was another man in the car, in the drivers seat. He was enormous, bald, and irritated or nervous. The car was left running. I went down stairs and my step-father and his former friend were talking in the living room. He was asking my step-father to come out and have a drink with him, to bury the hatchet. I walked over and told my step-father I wanted to talk to him. I told him of the other man in the car outside, and he looked out the window to see. It was the first time I ever saw him frightened. He told his guest he didn't feel well and after a few awkward moments the man left. My step-father told me later, while drunk, that I had saved his life. I don't doubt it, but I often regretted it.
My father never beat me unconscious, but he often hit and slapped me. He was the absolute master of the sucker punch. He hardly ever squared off and struck me. When I was younger, it was occasional, as I tried to avoid him at all costs. By the time I was twelve, I was interceding for my mother and sister, and our conflicts increased. Usually he would hit me, I would try to hit him, and he would overpower and subdue me. It was never a proper fight per se until I was older. Then, almost over night, the roles reversed. By the time I was sixteen, I could hold him off and deflect much of what he threw my way. At that point, it was me choosing not to hurt him too badly.
My step-father and I clashed several times after I left the house, but we never fought seriously again. I would go on to have a few fights with peers and strangers while in high school and college, but I never really tried to hurt anyone. My brand of violence would be inward, and would take a heavy toll on me and those around me for several years to come.
*Okay, I have stolen a second movie title - they are just better than anything I can think of.
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