I was walking out in the school playground of an Islamic School I worked at in London, checking on the girls playing there. They were running around frantically, having a wonderful time. I chatted with some of the teachers supervising the free-for-all, and was enjoying a few moments out of my office. I appreciated the fact that I was being ignored (one of my first great lessons - being ignored is not always bad) by most of the kids when a smiling second grader shyly approached me. She looked at me earnestly and I said hello, to which she replied "Are you an American Accident?" Now the instant she said it, I knew what she meant (do you have an American accent?), but the irony didn't escape me. I replied "Probably so" and smiled and walked off. She skipped away towards her friends who now considered her the bravest young woman on the planet, and I walked away with the title of my autobiography. Not a bad few seconds of interchange!
For the rest of the week, I thought about being an accident in an American society that is so diverse, so accommodating, and so eclectic that "accidents" are almost impossible. But I am an accident - I am not here where I am by any master plan, as a matter of fact, I am probably here against most reasonable odds. So, taking a page from Kierkegaard, "You live life forward and understand it backwards", I began to look back hoping desperately to gain some sense in order to direct my future. That was three years ago and I am still working on it. I am getting a better handle on my etiology, but the praxis (positive action through guided reflection) still often eludes me. The conclusion of my journey through time is that I have emerged from a pretty unique culture (code for highly dysfunctional childhood) with a good intelligence and other impressive skills, yet also with the stunning capacity to undermine myself, often dancing perilously close to to the precipice I thought I had escaped. But this is the year - 50 years old and candidate for Philosopher King. I am going to press on and learn and retain the lessons I have forgotten or failed to understand. I am going to be a leader who can change the world for the better.
For the rest of the week, I thought about being an accident in an American society that is so diverse, so accommodating, and so eclectic that "accidents" are almost impossible. But I am an accident - I am not here where I am by any master plan, as a matter of fact, I am probably here against most reasonable odds. So, taking a page from Kierkegaard, "You live life forward and understand it backwards", I began to look back hoping desperately to gain some sense in order to direct my future. That was three years ago and I am still working on it. I am getting a better handle on my etiology, but the praxis (positive action through guided reflection) still often eludes me. The conclusion of my journey through time is that I have emerged from a pretty unique culture (code for highly dysfunctional childhood) with a good intelligence and other impressive skills, yet also with the stunning capacity to undermine myself, often dancing perilously close to to the precipice I thought I had escaped. But this is the year - 50 years old and candidate for Philosopher King. I am going to press on and learn and retain the lessons I have forgotten or failed to understand. I am going to be a leader who can change the world for the better.
Hi, Michael --
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you are pressing forward -- and writing with honest reflection.
sue
I miss your editorial abilities :)
ReplyDelete