My Ego

I played golf today with my good friend Glenn. Glenn works with us part-time and is a retired assistant superintendent from the public schools. We had a played a new course to me and had a great time. I shot and 88, not bad for my third time out. One thing I appreciate is that Glenn and I don't talk shop when we golf. We hit the ball all over the place and laugh a lot. We were paired with another twosome we did not know. One of them, Paul, turned out to be a former ESL student from Croatia. They were nice guys and the day went well. I was fasting but there was a beautiful breeze all day. I hit some great shots and I hits some bad ones, but I never once tried to kill the ball - a radical departure from my previous self. I hit the ball much straighter these days, and I play from the fairway far more often. I think my new golf game is in line with my overall sense of self these days; steady and more humble. I still think I can do some things better than most, but those things are the result of decades of practice and skill building. Hitting a golf ball 300 yards isn't one of them - sticking a pitching iron from 125 yards is now. Work tests my ego more and more often these days. I don't think I have been told no as many times in 25 years as I have been in the last five. My days have evolved into a series of more complicated orchestrations of activities designed to circumnavigate the politics and gravity-bending black holes around me. I suppose this is maturity, but I don't much like it. And I don't want to grow to like it either. Nor do I want to acquiesce and sit back and relax. There are so many things we need to do to make students more successful and to improve the work experience in our department. There are days when I think compromise must be viewed as some sort of cardinal virtue; an initial step to be taken when presented with obstacles. Having said all that, I also believe that the frustrations I face are not built intentionally by bad faith. I believe it is the by-product of a large institution. I also believe that the systems I work in are not broken. So I will keep adjusting my efforts and challenging my perceptions - honestly balancing my will and passion with the needs of a larger entity. Perhaps I can bring back to work a little that I am learning on the course :)