Malaria - I Am No Longer A Tough Guy

Not only am I no longer a tough guy, maybe I never was. This current battle with malaria is now entering into its third week. My temperature ranges from 96 to 105 (perhaps worse as I have only been taking it for three days). I range from Parkinson-like chills and shakes to dead hot sweats.I have an unexplainable cough as well which keeps me up  when I am not suffering from the fevers. Occasionally I go almost thirty hours without feeling terrible, and I try to get up and go to work. I am very weak though, and I fade fast in the day. The fever and assorted ailments start ramping up at around two or three pm, and don't break until early in the morning. I finally went to a doctor, who told me he could not process the malaria swab right away, but that he knew of no other explanation for the symptoms he observed - fluctuating temperatures, low white cell count, low blood pressure etc. He did tell  me that often the best diagnosis is the patient himself if he has had the disease before. Oddly there are other symptoms that don't make sense, but are always there when  I get sick like this. First and foremost, the dreams are indescribable despite the fact that I always recall them perfectly. They are an odd kind of proprioceptive experience: It is an out of body sensation, with lots of conversations with other "beings" who aren't identifiable. Lately, they have involved me needing to buy things to bring back from Africa, providing tickets for children for some reason that float tentatively around and attached to my head, and conversations with a woman who suggests scripts to drive away the chills and fevers. Unlike my other dreams, they go on for hours before I realize I need to wake up. I think they add to my fatigue in the morning.
I have to wait until Monday for some anti-malarial medication, but the doctor gave me tylenol and motrin for the headaches, and an antibiotic as well. I am still riding the rollercoaster, but with a lot of help from Sindi and friends! I don't know when this will end, but I have a good support system, unlike the four other times I have been down this road.
Having said all of this, I don't regret the actions that have led to this condition, and I would do it all over again. I will endeavor to go back this December with all my resurrected passion and energy once I recover. I told someone once who thought I was crazy to go into these places that it certainly must be ok for me to risk my life to help others achieve their dreams if it is ok for others to risk their lives to kill them. I have not put myself at risk to be at risk - I have made calculated decisions that I have never regretted. I will never go into a refugee camp or similar places amped up with medications and preventatives they don't have. I know the twisted logic there, but as Henry V warned, I will not hold my manhood cheap.
But as I mentioned earlier, I am not a tough guy at all. I would cry, I think, if I could; moan and groan for sympathy if would help; and I won't tell you how I squealed trying to take a cold bath today to bring my fever down - I waited until Sindi left :)
I will be fine, and please don't worry about me. Pray for people and children who face this as a regular reality, or others who feel worse than this on a perpetual basis fighting far more devastating ills, I will follow up when I emerge from this tunnel. Thanks again