My Favorite Verse in The Qur'an

"When the sun
(with its spacious light)
Is folded up;
When the stars
Fall, losing their lustre;
When the mountains vanish
(like a mirage);
When the she-camels,
Ten months with young,
Are left untended;
When the wild beasts
Are herded together
(In human habitation);
When the oceans
Boil over with a swell;
When the souls
Are sorted out,
(Being joined, like with like);
When the female (infant),
Buried alive, is questioned -
For what crime
She was killed;
When the Scrolls
Are laid open;
When the sky
Is unveiled,
When the Blazing Fire
Is kindled to fierce heat;
And when the Garden
Is brought near;
(Then) shall each soul know
What it has put forward."
S.81, A. 1-14

I was profoundly touched when I read this Sura, having stumbled on it late one evening a few years ago. I think I was lost in the lyricism of the Sura (as I often was) when I passed over "for what crime was she killed", and I realized how pertinent the verse was, for me anyway. I had always known that the Prophet (PBUH) had prohibited female infanticide, but I read so much more into this verse. As an American Muslim, I often overhear comments regarding the degradation of women in Islam, and it always brings me back here to the Al-Takweer (The Rolling), Sura 81.
I am concerned with what my soul has put forward, particularly in my treatment of women throughout my life. I have not murdered any newborns, but I have not always been very decent to the women in my life.
I never believed that a woman existed to serve me, but I am sure I haven't had a healthy attitude towards many of them either. I suppose there was always an ugliness inside me that was born of my own inadequacies as a human, let alone a man. I am not sure I always thought I deserved the respect, friendship, or even love of a woman, and I often turned that doubt into a proactive disrespect. Once again, its genesis wasn't a sense of masculine superiority, quite the oposite, a singular self-loathing.
As an adult, I laughed at jokes cashed at female expense, even told a few. I shrugged it off as harmless while I watched those stereotypical attitudes "man"ifest themselves to the detriment of a few good women. I never believed I was better than anyone, let alone a class of humans that large - I just never let anyone know I didn't.
In my youth, I dallied harmlessly, so I figured, with women in different countries, from different circumstances. Despite my poor self-esteem, I allowed myself the fantasy that they were with me genuinely and that their time with me was as fun and superficial as my affections. I lament those days, and honestly wonder how a world can come to call a woman like that a "whore" and someone like me a "rogue." A terrible hypocritical reality that still makes me feel unclean, and culpable for a world of sins. Now, as I teach young children, I look out at the girls - sisters and daughters, I am deeply ashamed for ever having taken any woman for granted, in anyway.
I am also deeply ashamed at the way I have raised my own daughters at times. I loved them and still do, but I was not always kind and loving, at least outwardly. I didn't hold them and hug them as I should have, and I often bullied them uglily when I was angry with them. I pray they know that my failures were not that of a man, or that their lack of affection from me was not their due as females. Just one weak human not knowing how to interact lovingly with those around him.
So yes, I have not buried any babies in the sand, literally at least. But I have not fulfilled my duty as a human to the women who grew up around me, and my faith and my God know this. So no, my soul had not put forward that which it should have, but I am working on it, and I am so grateful for the women who have forgiven me and have allowed me the chance to learn and develop. I ask forgiveness for these sins and those I have perpetrated against the women in my past - a rude comment, careless embrace, neglected advocacy. Most of all, I am thankful for this Sura, reminding me that Allah has a better concept of me, for my potential.