Falling Through the Roof

Been out of work for almost four months now, not counting a month long gig in the Middle East and a part-time course teaching philosophy. I have never been this inactive in my life, at least not since I was eleven years old. I have been applying for several jobs, preparing for the class, and spending more time with my daughters. Still, it's hard facing each day with an uncertain future. I have lived to work, and work has been my life. I am as lost as I can be.
I am hopeful on the job front, and I have been a bit unlucky to date. I interviewed for one position, did well only to find out the school is in a hiring freeze with no thaw in sight. I had a good line on a job in Yemen, but the Saudi entrepreneur isn't sure he wants to bring in a project manager. He could be months making up his mind. I have a lot of time on my hands, probably too much. I think about the economy, thinking about all those other people looking for jobs, with even less prospects. I pray for two things I guess: I pray that those deserving people find equitable employment, and I pray I was never flippant or cruel talking about unemployment or the unemployed, I really do. No one should face this, there are enough issues in our lives to cause us concern and pain - not knowing how you will provide for your family is hell, as close as I will come to it.
Sleeping is very difficult. I tend to sleep for a few hours, then wake only to toss and turn and fret for six or seven more hours. I catch myself starting to doze, and some thought, some worry explodes and I sit up wide awake. This cycle goes on and on until I find the energy to get up. To be honest, I am tempted to use sleep aids, but I try not to, they don't help much and it can't be good to use these things too much. I will never take a good night's sleep for granted again, ever.
I was out at Clearview Golf Club the other day and Larry (the superintendent) asked me if I wanted to paint their barn. I said yes, and very dishonestly told him he could pay me - I will stain the clubhouse and Renee's deck as well. Clearview is a national historic landmark, and I am so proud to be able to help. Sindi (my youngest daughter) and I showed up today and got started. It is a large barn but the roof does not have have a great deal of pitch, and I am glad as we are painting the roof as well. Sindi was a bit tentative about getting up on the roof, but she acclimated well. We spent a good part of the day up there scrubbing and cleaning the surface. It was good to be sweating (eighty-seven degrees today) and finding out how out of shape I am. I welcomed the activity and pushed on throughout the day.
I had to go up and down the ladder several times, and often slipped a bit getting back up on the roof. I was never in danger, but it startled Sindi. It was cute hearing her gasp. We washed and scrubbed most of the roof before I got careless. There were several fiberglass panels on the roof, providing light for the barn. I was working on the last portion of the barn when I slipped and my right leg slid down metal panel and over the flimsy fiberglass insert. I crashed through, my leg going though the roof. Luckily, my other leg stayed on the metal roof and I only went halfway in. I was using a large bucket with a split on the side. As luck would have it, I reached out when I fell and my hand went into the split. I twisted my knee a bit, cut my hand between fingers (ouch) and scraped my arm and elbow. It all happened in a second, and once again, Sindi reacted - she screamed.
Had it not been for her reaction, I think it would have hurt a great deal more. I assured her I was ok, and started to laugh at my own ineptness. I don't bounce as well as I used to. We recovered and finished the roof, made a trip to the hardware store, and came back to patch the roof. Sindi took me inside to "dress my wounds." We went back out and worked on one side of the barn. Tomorrow we will paint the roof.
It felt really good to be occupied, doing something worthwhile. I am so pleased I can do this for the course, and do it with my daughter. This is a really authentic activity, not some sort of diversion tactic to get my mind of the fact that I have been in a world without answers for too long. Not knowing where I will be, how I will provide for my family, has been incredibly hard. I do believe when I get back to higher education, I will make time to help others who are unemployed. I don't know how, just know that I will. For tomorrow at least (and through the next week)Sindi and I will be back at Clearview, painting and watching out for fiberglass panels. I think I will sleep well tonight.